8 We think you ought to know, dear brothers and sisters, about the trouble we went through in the province of Asia. We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. 9 In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. 10 And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us. (2 Corinthians 1:8-10)
I live by these words, because I have been there. I was literally crushed beyond my ability to survive, and had in fact already twice given into the temptation to stop my own suffering. Twice I unsuccessfully tried to kill myself; twice I expected (and intended) to die. My hope was gone. I was abandoned.
My God had other plans.
The third time my then-boyfriend abandoned me was by far the worst. The pain was searing and deep; the pain was relentless—and I relentlessly pursued every option and thought before me. Nothing got better. It only got worse. So many times I felt I was losing my mind, so much so I still am at a loss for words on most accounts.
Until my God rescued me.
But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. I don’t rely on myself anymore, I solely rely on Him. I have nothing good to offer on my own, and my “self” is unreliable. My life has become a living sacrifice to the Redeemer of my soul—and I am well aware that it baffles many of those around me. Yet I am fully confident in Him. I am fully confident in His return. I am fully confident in His power, His love, His mercy and His grace.
He has changed me. He has transformed me—and now all I relentlessly pursue is Him.
I never knew I could have such a relationship with the God of the Universe; I never knew how much He loved me. And yet it is not just me, but also you!