Apostasy.

I was guilty of it; apostasy. I abandoned my God, though He did not me.

I was so broken that night. I was crying out and I was looking for anything, for anyone, to hold on to. I was desperate.

Do you know what it is like to have your soul ravaged? Do you know what it feels like to pour your soul out—and to have that love returned void? Not from one, from many. 

I do—and yet my handful of disappointment and shame is nothing compared to what my Savior suffered. Because of me.

He gave me a word I had no idea what to do with. Jezebel. Walking in faith, obedience and trust, I am watching it come full circle. I am LIVING it; not in flesh, in spirit. That spirit warred with me mercilessly though my flesh loved whom it inhabited.

Jezebel was a master at the art of seduction. She seduced Ahab and sought to kill Elijah. Ahab was complacent. Elijah—that Spirit in Elijah, was and is mightier than both of those combined. The devil will not win his futile war against God. The Almighty has already won the battle and the mystery is now being revealed.

I prayed for not a double portion of Elijah’s spirit, but a double portion of Elisha’s.  I pleaded with my Father to use me, all for His glory. My shame, the way I am mocked and ridiculed, is a molehill next to His mountain. 

Vengeance is mine, says the Lord of hosts.

Do you believe in miracles? Do you believe the lame can walk, the blind can see, the demon-possessed can find deliverance? They can, they do and they will.