Omniscient.

Not too long ago I wanted to know it all. I spent time building my own personal Tower of Babel on a quest to become my own personal god; I ended up living in my own personal hell.

I was driven in my desire for peace to obtain what man says Jesus Christ was able to obtain himself—nirvana. The “Christ-Consciousness.” My first sign of misleading should have in fact been the very TITLE of that which I was attempting to obtain—if we were in fact trying to become EQUIVALENT to Christ, then why did this state of “consciousness” bear His name?

We cannot be God. We cannot BE Jesus. To be LIKE Him is to be the ultimate goal in life, but I had greatly deceived myself into believing I could actually BE Him. That I could actually reach the heights of Jesus myself.

I am not the Son of God. I did not die for your sins.

Lord forgive me. Who am I? Especially when You yourself are the Great I Am. Especially when it is You who created me.

And oh how You have humbled me. You have brought me low only to reveal my worth. You walked beside me on the path of disobedience until I was just about empty of me.

Thank You Lord.

I had placed my worth in man + it surely did destroy me—just as our Father warned it would. But my pride + my perfectionism, my stubbornness + my shame got in the way of His healing grace. His unending Love. I was looking for validation from those around me + found none. I sought it within, but the space was laid bare.

And so I died—but let me tell you how He brought me back to life. Let me be a witness to you in this Holy place, in the great depths of His all-consuming love. Let me testify to the redemption I found only in the arms of Jesus.